Snapes, Vampires, and Parents, oh my!
by mari681
Summary: ... Title says it all. Weasley, Dumbledore bashing, character death, dark-harry, dark-hermione.


A/N: This is the first one-shot of a multiple one-shot series.

* * *

"Ron! Stop fooling around. We do not have time."  
"But Mione! Those pictures aren't moving!" replied Ron, repeatedly poking a poster in the airport, "How do the Muggles get them to stay still? MOVE!"  
Hermione looked to Harry for help, but he merely shrugged his shoulders and started laughing. She sighed. "Ronald Billius Weasley. Do NOT call them muggles. Now come along!"  
"But Mi…!"  
"NOW!" she screeched, "We have a plane to catch! MOVE IT!"  
Grumbling, Ron followed, glaring at a laughing Harry.

* * *

A 12-hour plane flight later, Hermione was about ready to pull her wand out and hex the two boys… Or simply pull her own hair out.  
"Finally!" exclaimed Harry, pouting a bit. "We are here! Now where do we go, Hermione?"  
"Yeah, Mione! Where do we go? Can we go to a McWandalds?" Ron chimed in.  
Hermione sighed. Could these two be any more like toddlers? "Ron, it is McDonalds, and no, we can not go to one. We first need to catch a taxi to our hotel, then wait till evening. As soon as it is dark, we'll find the wizarding section of NYC, and from there visit my Uncles' pub."  
"Your Uncle?" Ron asked, confused, "But…"  
Hermione mentally slapped herself on the back of the head. Bloody Hell. She hadn't meant to let that slip. Sighing, she had to explain… some of her secrets. "Oh, seriously!" she exclaimed, affecting an impatient tone to annoy them… especially Ron. "Boys, did you honestly believe I was a muggle-born? I am as pure-blood as you t…Ron." she snapped, angry at her near-slip. "Both Mum and Da are pure-bloods."  
"But…"  
"Harry!" then Hermione paused, softening her tone. No need to take out her frustration on her… friends. "I did not know either, until just after the war, on my birthday. I'll tell you both when we find my uncle who they are. They had their reasons for hiding, though I don't agree with some." and you won't either, Harry, she thought sadly. But I won't be able to hide any more once we meet my uncle.  
Both boys grumbled a bit more, but followed her to a taxi.

* * *

"Hermione! Are you ready yet?" called Harry, knocking on the connecting hotel door. "Ron and I need help transfiguring our clothes."  
"Wait a second, Harry. I'll be right out. Just… Don't be surprised by my appearance, and don't ask questions until we get to my uncles' place." saying that, Hermione opened the door, startling Harry.  
"Wha… Hermione, why do you look like my mother?"  
Hermione sighed. "Harry, no questions yet. Now, let me in so I can do something about you boys' dismal fashion sense."  
It was true. Harry was dressed in the same clothes he had worn on the plane, while Ron was dressed in a neon green suit. Without saying a thing, Hermione stared hard at them.  
In a second, Harry was dressed in black skin-tight jeans, while a dark-green t-shirt clung lightly to his muscled torso. Black Dragon skin boots, and a black silver-studded choker completed the outfit. Next was Ron. Catering to his sensibilities, Hermione had dressed him in slightly looser jeans than Harry, in dark blue, while his shirt was the same dark-green color as Harrys', but slightly looser. He had on black converse sneakers and a dragon-tooth necklace.  
Hermione herself was clad in a dark-green dress, the same color as the boys' t-shirts. It was clingy in all the right places and reached down to her knees. Underneath, she wore a pair of silver skinny jeans tucked into a pair of black high-heeled boots. She also had a black choker, but hers' was slightly more delicate and feminine. Over her arm, she held a black cropped leather jacket.  
Her appearance had also changed. Her hair, while still as bushy as always, was now a dark red. She was taller, and skinnier, yet oddly more propotinate. Her eyes had also changed colors, from the calm brown, to a nearly black shade of green.  
Ignoring the boys' stares, she merely said "Lets go."  
"But Mione… How did you do all th…"  
" Oh, Ron. I… came into my inheritance this summer. Remember? I was using glamours while still in Britain."  
"But Hermione, that makeup must of took practice… And why do you look like my Mum… but with odd eyes?"  
Hermione ignored Harrys' question. "Come along boys. Time is wasting. Grab hold of my hands." Saying so, Hermione grabbed their hands, and apparated them out of the hotel room into a shadowy alley. "Now. Uncle Briars' pub is just 'round the corner. You two go ahead. I need to… get some potions' ingredients while we are here. Shoo!"  
Without giving them a chance to reply, she apparated away once more, leaving Harry and Ron staring at each other.  
"Harry, mate. Are you sure that is our 'Mione? She is acting odd."  
"I… don't know, Ron. It could just be her inheritance. If she is pure-blood, perhaps she came into a creature inheritance."  
"That would explain her per…per…personality. But what about her looks? Why does she look like your mum?"  
"It could be another glamour, Ron. Other than that, I just don't know. Come on, lets' go find this pub."

* * *

Hermione smiled as she appeared in her Uncles' flat. "Uncle Briar! I'm h…"  
"Oh, good!" exclaimed the red-haired, emerald eyed man as he came out of the kitchen, before looking around. "Hey, where is Harry? I haven't seen him since he was a little tyke."

"On the way to your pub, uncle. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him. He'll likely hex me, and then vanish. I think we should bring him here first. Quickly, before the spells Bumbledore placed on him wear off. If he comes into his inheritance…" Hermione trailed off, sighing.

"Yes, we need to bring him here. If he comes into his inheritance in the open, it'll be bloody, and I don't want to have to clean up more blood in my pub." Briar Evans replied, grinning and showing his pointy white teeth. "What about that Ron boy? Surely you don't care about him."

Hermione grinned back, her own sharp teeth showing. " Oh, I thought he could be Harrys' first meal. Harry will certainly want to kill him after he finds out the truth."

"Oh, goodie! Then lets bring them here, shall we Mione-Flower?"

"Yes, lets Uncle." with that, they both shadowed to the alley outside the pub, happy to find both boys just about to leave.

Harry started to walk right past, before blinking, and asking "Hey, Hermione. Who is this, and why are you back so fast?"

"Yeah, 'Mione. We were just about to go get drunk. Want to come?"

Hermione growled at Ron. "Idiot! Stupefy."

Harrys' wand was immediately in his hand. "Inc…"

"No, you don't, Kiddo!" exclaimed Briar, from behind. "Stupefy!"

Hermione glared at him. "Thanks, Uncle. You made it all soooo much easier. Now Harry won't trust you." she shook her head. It wasn't his fault. After all, he was only seemed six years older than them.

"Oh, don't be silly, Hermione. He'll understand."

Without saying another word, they shadowed back to the flat.

* * *

When Harry woke up, he groped for his glasses on the bedside table, before realizing he could see clearly. Remembering the events of the night before, and noticing his strange surroundings, he called out "Hermione Jane Granger! What have you done?"

Hermione appeared out of nowhere. "Not Granger, Harry. Snape. Hermione Rose Snape. I am your sister."

"Okay, Hermione. Not Funny. It isn't even April Fools. And bad joke. You know my name is Potter."

"Oh, Harry." Sighed Hermione. "I am being serious. Our mum is Lilly Evans, and our Da is Severus Snape."

"No! It can't be. Mum would have never cheated on dad. They loved each other!"

Briar shadowed in when he heard his nephew. "Yes, Harry. Mione-Flower is right. You are Harry Jasper Snape. Your real father is Severus. Greasy Bat."

"Now, now, uncle Briar." chided Hermione. "You just don't like him because he dyed your hair pink in school. He isn't greasy."

"AHA! You don't contest that he is a bat!"

"Uncle Briar. You know better. You can be a bat too."

Harrys' only reply was to hide under his blankets, and mumble, "I'm dreaming. This is all a bad dream. I'm dreaming."

Briar sighed. "Hermione, niece. Retrieve the food."

She grinned. "Yes, Uncle Briar." Before leaving.

"Wait! 'Mione!"

Hermione came back in dragging a bound and bleeding Ronald Weasley. "Here we go, Uncle Bratty! Now we just have to wait."

"Don't call me that, Hermy." glared Briar, before he sniffed the air. "Eww! Hermione Rose Snape. Are you sure he'll want to drink that?"

"Yes, Uncle Briar." She replied, holding her nose. "It may smell bad, but as soon as he gets hungry enough…" she smirked.

Harry who had been watching back and forth, and gaping at the sight of the third member of their trio, shot up, before forcing himself against the wall. "No… Mione, what did you do? Why do I want to…to… to drink his blood?"

"See! I told you, Briar Anthony Evans." Hermione said, grinning. "The motives always tell in the blood." then she turned to Harry. "Ry, you… no, we… are vampires. As for why you want to drink Rons' blood, well… It is natural. He has merely been using your was never really your friend."

Briar levitated Rons' managled body to hover in front of Harry. "Come on, kiddo. Drink, and you'll remember."

Suddenly Harry lost all control over his impulses, and lunged for the slowly beating pulse on the red-heads' throat. As his teeth sank in, and he got his first taste of blood, he slowly relaxed, and steadily drained it dry, leaving behind a dessicated corpse.

As he was coming down from his high, blinking his eyes rapidly, Briar playfully scolded him "Now, now Kiddo. We do not leave behind corpses…" Briar grinned. "But we'll make an exception this time. Welcome back!"

Harry growled as he slowly received memories of his past life, the life he had before Bumbledore de-aged him and his sister. Then, thinking of something his sister had told him, he apparated away, to Spindles End, leaving behind a resigned sister and confused uncle.

"Where…?"

"Oh, he went home. I hope Da doesn't kill him for his… disrespectful behavior that he is sure to indulge in."

Briar laughed, suddenly understanding. "Oh, I'd be more worried about your mothers' reaction."


End file.
